In my opinion you misapprehend both yourself and the situation. I believe you have set of profoundly valuable moral beliefs that are misunderstood both by yourself and others. As a result, because those values are real in reality, you dearly hold onto them, while at the same time, owing to just that same sense of real value inherit to them, are blind to how improperly apply.
The kind of blindness I am talking about here is not something unique to you. In my opinion it is almost universal. It is the condition of being governed internally by forgotten conditioning from our past. Our world views are governed by motivations we do not see because we were conditioned never to question them.
I call this being asleep.
For example, let’s take a moral beliefs that it is better to be kind to people than to be mean. Who lives in the better mental condition, a person who feels empathy for others or a person who is always bitter and recriminatory.
Perhaps for those who are so left brained they have no idea, we could turn to science for an answer and see in which kind of person the better health promoting chemicals each different brain is releasing. I think the evidence is in on that. Anger, depression and stress aren’t good for you.
So someone taught to be nice to people has a better shot at a better life, all other factors aside. But what if the way the way you were taught to be nice was beaten into a child every time he expressed some natural egotistical need. In much a case the nice behavior on the surface might be there at the command of an unconscious motivation, fear of showing nastiness. Such niceness in that case is both false and unhealthy and will require self reflection and courage to cure. The real feelings of repressed bitterness must surface and be dealt with honestly.
So, while conservatives subscribe to a greater number of moral concerns than liberals do and as a result have the capacity to understand moral values better, they can have been conditioned to hold those values in a way that is deplorable when applied.
I think that your attachment to conservatism fails to account for the fact that many who claim conservative values do so simply to save face and are actually full of repressed and very unhealthy feelings they fail to see for fear of feeling shame. They were made to be good out of fear rather than out of real undamaged empathy.
I think you identify with conservatives who are not actually able to be conservative out of love for values and not a rational analysis of the actual practice. The values are good, the practice is deplorable. Practice detachment from herds.